


The Night Before Christmas

by lifesizehysteria



Category: The Fosters (TV 2013)
Genre: F/F, adamsfoster
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-19
Updated: 2018-03-19
Packaged: 2019-04-04 19:33:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,847
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14027244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lifesizehysteria/pseuds/lifesizehysteria
Summary: Set after their disastrous Christmas Eve dinner, Stef finds a way to bridge the divide in their 2-in-1 bed so that she and Lena can finally come back together. A fluffy one-shot just to make the heart feel good.





	The Night Before Christmas

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Christmas Gift](https://archiveofourown.org/works/2787194) by [hyAdamsFoster](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hyAdamsFoster/pseuds/hyAdamsFoster). 



> A/N: This is set on the night of the Christmas Eve dinner in the Christmas Past episode. I do suggest watching at least the dinner scene since there are some references to it and it aired so long ago. That being said, it’s not necessary. It would just be a nice reminder, I think. 
> 
> A/N: This is kind of a continuation of hyadamsfoster’s story The Christmas Gift so go give that a read. Her story is based on a deleted scene which I can’t link but if you search “stef and lena deleted christmas scene” on youtube, it should come up - should you want to watch that, too.
> 
> A/N: I started this at least three years ago and it’s been a serious labor of love. I’m so excited to finally get to share it. It’s been taking up a really special place in my heart and I hope that you all love it as much as I do.

“I know it’s here somewhere.” Stef resorted to muttering to herself after digging through the armoire that housed their linens and coming up empty. Dammit, it should have been in there. All of their pillow cases and sheets were there. Why wasn’t _it_ there? Huffing, she shoved the sheets back onto their shelves in haphazard piles that would make her wife cringe and closed the door with a thud. 

“Everything okay, babe?” Lena called over her shoulder. _Lena_. Lena would know. Of course. Stef crossed the bedroom in a hurry but came to a halt mid-stride as she reached the bathroom, catching the sight of her wife in the mirror. Lena looked stunning still dressed in her teal blouse and black skirt. Her Christmas light necklace was coiled up on the back of the sink. Stef felt like she was just seeing her for the first time that night.

“You looked so beautiful tonight, love.” Stef crossed over to Lena and wrapped her arms around her waist from behind, distracted from her mission. She began peppering kisses across her cheek and along her jaw. “I’m sorry I ruined it.”

“Almost,” Lena corrected. Her hands came to rest over Stef’s, her eyes closed as she leaned into her wife’s nuzzling. The night had been less than perfect and it very well was almost ruined between Stef fighting with her mom and Lena having her own meltdown. Though, for that she had sort of let Stef and Sharon take the blame even if it had as much to do with her own jealousy about her parents choosing to spend the holiday with Nathan instead of her family. But then Stef had given her that little lion towel, and along with it, the reassurance that she was one hundred percent on board with this pregnancy. The worry that Stef would resent their growing child had weighed so much on Lena. Being sure that she loved this baby, that she wanted it, was such a relief she now felt like she might just float away. Of course, the lightheadedness could have been coming from the way Stef was now kissing her neck. “What were you looking for?” she asked while her skin hummed.

“The summer quilt.” Stef’s words were muffled against Lena’s skin. She had almost forgotten about it. How distracting her wife could be.

“It’s not in the armoire.” Lena tilted her head away, lengthening her neck, allowing Stef more room to explore.

“Why not?” Stef’s voice dropped to a low tenor and Lena shivered at the sound.

“Because Callie was using it until we got her her own comforter. After I washed it, I left it in the girls’ closet in case she wanted to use it again.” Lena was enjoying Stef’s wandering mouth and being pressed against the length of her. Maybe too much. This was going to have to continue to its natural end or it was going to have to stop and as much as she would have liked the first option, it was late. The night had been so emotional and despite the very convincing pulse in her body, she was exhausted. Turning in her wife’s arms, she snaked her own around her neck and brushed her lips over Stef’s in a chaste kiss. “Why do you need the quilt? You’re not planning on sleeping on the couch, are you?” She smiled to make sure Stef knew she was teasing.

“Only if you make me, my love” Stef countered, returning a crooked grin.

“Never.” It was true. Neither of them ever kicked the other out of bed. They went to bed mad. Hell, they went to bed furious sometimes. But no matter how angry they were, they always went to bed together.

“Good.” Stef winked. “Then finish getting ready for bed. I’ll see you in a few.” After another quick kiss, Stef disentangled herself from Lena and swept out the door, leaving her wife chuckling and shaking her head in confusion.

Lena disrobed and pulled on her pajamas. She brushed her teeth and wiped off her makeup before rubbing lotion onto her arms, giving extra attention to her elbows that always got a little ashy in the winter. Then she lifted her shirt and rubbed some lotion onto her belly, marveling at this new addition to her nighttime routine. It was way too soon to be worrying about stretch marks and she couldn’t help but feel a little silly. Of course, that didn’t stop her from doing it. It was hard to believe there really was a baby growing in there. She couldn’t wait until she started showing, if only to prove it to herself. Smiling to the empty room, she tugged her shirt back down and went into the bedroom where she found her wife kneeling on the bed, shoving their beautiful summer quilt in between their mattresses.

“Stef, honey, what are you doing?”

“Filling in this damn gap,” Stef grunted, looking slightly wild as she continued to jam lumps of the quilt down into the bed, her blonde hair swinging around her face with each shove. “I can’t believe I didn’t think of this before.”

Lena laughed and chased it with a sigh, choosing not to remind her that they had a hundred old blankets that could have been used for this purpose. She wasn’t willing to risk another fight tonight. Even though that was her favorite quilt. “You really hate this bed, don’t you?”

“And you _don’t_?” Stef scoffed and looked up at Lena who now stood at the edge of the bed with her lips pressed together in a poor attempt to stifle a grin. 

“I don’t exactly love it, no. But you seem to have some kind of personal vendetta against it.”

“You would too, love, if you were married to you,” she said, sincerity behind every cheeky word.

Lena looked to the ground, bashful as her cheeks warmed.

Stef smirked and wiggled her eyebrows before sitting back on her haunches and slapping her hands down onto her thighs. “There. That should do it.” She let out a satisfied exhale before scooting off of the bed to pick the comforter up from the floor where she had deposited it to clear her workspace. 

The two burrowed under the blankets with just lamplight giving the room a soft glow. Stef curled herself around Lena, pressing her knees behind her wife’s as they settled on Lena’s side of the bed. The makeshift bridge between their mattresses was lumpy beneath her hip but she was too content to notice. Her fingers traced down the soft skin of Lena’s arm before she laid her own arm over it and pulled Lena back against her. 

“I’ve really missed this,” Stef said against Lena’s shoulder where she had been dusting kisses.

“Me, too.” Lena scooted her hips back further, though there was no distance between them

Stef tucked her hand beneath Lena’s night shirt and rubbed her hand over the smooth, flat surface of her belly. “You know, when this baby really starts growing, one half of this bed isn’t gonna cut it.” There was a lilt of playfulness in her voice but it was coupled with a straightforwardness that left no room for confusion.

“Okay, okay,” Lena appeased her with a hint of laughter, pulling Stef’s hand out from beneath her shirt. “We’ll get rid of the bed.” She laced their fingers together. Another few minutes passed in silence.

“I can’t believe my mom got rid of our bed without asking us.”

“Well, that mattress _was_ nearing the end of its life and you know we would have stretched it as long as possible. Maybe she did us a favor.”

“Maybe.” There was a hint of something in the softness of Stef’s voice. Lena turned over to face her. 

“Honey, we’ll find another mattress we like. What’s got you so hung up on this?”

Stef looked away from Lena’s questioning gaze. She both loved and hated that her wife was so intuitive, always picking up on her vulnerabilities and pulling them out into the open. She licked her lips and cleared her throat before shrugging. “I don’t know.” She flicked her eyes back up to Lena’s and the raise of one eyebrow told her that wasn’t going to cut it. With a little huff, she searched for the right words. “It’s just— I feel like… that bed held our whole lives in it, you know? It was the first piece of furniture we bought when we moved in together. It was the first piece of furniture that was _our_ furniture instead of yours or mine that just got dragged together from our separate lives. We picked that bed out together; our kids grew up in that bed. It… it meant a lot to me and, yes, I know we would’ve had to get a new one eventually but it would’ve been nice to get to make that decision for ourselves. I just— I wasn’t ready to let go yet.”

A smile blossomed across Lena’s face until it was so big it made her cheeks ache.

“What?” Stef asked, her eyes narrowing in suspicion.

“You are such a softy.” Lena giggled as she pulled Stef’s face to her own to kiss her.

“I am not,” Stef insisted, though Lena’s infectious smile bled onto her face and turned the corners of her mouth up while she returned the eager kiss. “I’m tough.” It was punctuated with another kiss. “And strong.” Another. “And unfeeling.”

Lena laughed against her lips and whispered, “Don’t worry. Your secret’s safe with me.”

Their kisses were playful and light, accompanied by lazy touches over pajamas. Lena delighted in the utter frivolity. It wasn’t often that they could kiss and tease without intent. They didn’t have time for this kind of thing and it made her feel young, reminding her that Stef was not just her wife or her partner. Stef was, and had always been, the love of her life.

After a few minutes the breaks between kisses grew longer and their hands found comfortable places to rest; their left hands were clasped together between them on the bed while Stef’s other arm draped over Lena’s hip. “Do you remember when we went to buy the bed?” Lena asked in a hushed voice.

“Mhmm,” Stef’s eyes were halfway closed. “Brandon outing us to the saleswoman and probably everyone within a mile radius of the store… How could I forget?” A slow smile crept across her face.

* * *

 

_Walking into the mattress store with Lena and Brandon, Stef could feel the tension in her spine. It wasn’t that she was ashamed of her life or of Lena. It was just that, well, she didn’t feel like she should have to tell every new person she met that she was gay. Whose business was it but her own? And buying a mattress with her girlfriend felt so intimate. She would have preferred not to even bring Brandon but Mike was working, her mom was in Florida, and her dad was barely speaking to her. The fact was, there wasn’t anyone to leave him with, and so he was here, and already on her nerves._

_“Can’t we just look at the race car beds, Mommy?” The little boy tugged at her arm as soon as they walked in the door._

_“I told you no in the car, Brandon.” Stef worked to keep her tone even._

_“I promise to be good if we can just go see. Puh-lease!” he whined._

_“No. You’ll be good because that’s how you’re supposed to behave. And if you ask one more time, you’ll lose TV time tonight. Got it?” Stef’s words were no nonsense and dangerously quiet._

_Brandon grunted, pushing his lower lip out in a powerful pout. When he stomped a foot on the floor and crossed his little arms over his chest, Stef felt herself gearing up at the first warning sign of a full blown fit._

_“You know, Brandon, the sooner we pick out a mattress, the sooner we get to go home and start dinner.” Lena broke in with her usual calmness. “Which I would really love your help with but we have to make it through this first and I think it would be a lot easier if all three of us work together. What do you think?”_

_Brandon squeezed his lips together as he thought about it. Cooking with Lena was one of his most favorite things to do. “O-kaay.” He dragged the word out as if relenting slower might change their minds but they could see his shoulders sag in surrender and knew they had dodged the impending tantrum._

_“Alright then,” Lena smiled. She held out her hand and the boy grasped onto it, switching sides so he was between his moms. “Let’s get started.”_

_Stef mouthed a sincere “thank you” to Lena over the boy’s head, aware that she couldn’t take an ounce of credit for that save. Lena smiled in return._

_They didn’t make it far into the store before being greeted by an eager saleswoman. “Hi! My name is Carly. Welcome. Can I help you find anything?”_

_“Yes, we’re—”_

_“No, thank you,” Stef cut Lena off. She gave the woman a tight smile before heading in the opposite direction._

_“What was that?” Lena asked in a hoarse whisper when she and Brandon caught up._

_Stef shrugged, her arms crossed tight over her chest. “I don’t want anyone hovering over us, trying to rush us into a decision or sell us up or whatever.”_

_“She was just trying to help.”_

_“It’s fine. We don’t need help.” Stef gave a sarcastic snort. “What’s she going to do, anyway? Lie on the bed and tell us what she likes? I don’t plan on inviting her. I mean, she’s cute but I’m not really into that.”_

_Unimpressed, Lena raised her eyebrows and Stef dropped the smirk that was on her lips._

_“Into what, Mommy?” Brandon’s little voice broke in._

_“Nothing, baby,” Stef said, stifling a grin. “Why don’t you go pick the first mattress and Lena and I will try it out.”_

_Brandon let out a whoop of excitement at having such an important task and darted off in the direction of the closest mattress._

_“Oops,” Stef looked at Lena and pulled a guilty face, her cheeks blushing pink._

_Lena rolled her eyes, though the corners crinkled with amusement. “You’re incorrigible.”_

_“I’m just going to assume that means impossible to resist.” Stef flashed a confident smile._

_“You do that,” Lena said, raising her eyebrows again as she turned and started after Brandon._

_Things took a turn for the better. The teasing had chased away some of Stef’s discomfort and being left alone with just her lover and her son helped keep it away. They had a bit of a system; Brandon darted around, picking every mattress that was blue, while Stef and Lena tried all of the ones in between. Stef would lay on it, then Lena, and then they would discuss it while Brandon bounced on the edge, kicking his heels against it as he swung his feet. They tried bed after bed and Brandon began to grow antsy, crawling over the beds, flopping on them. Once, Stef had to threaten his life when he dared to jump on one of the mattresses, shoes on and everything._

_After nearly an hour of not even narrowing down their options, Lena stood with her arms crossed over her stomach and sighed. “I think maybe we need to come back another day. Or try another store later this week.”_

_“No. Lena, we need a bed,” Stef said from her position on the corner of a mattress she had particularly liked. And Lena had hated. “There’s got to be something here we can agree on.”_

_Lena shook her head. “We’re complete opposites when it comes to this, babe. We knew this was going to be an issue. I mean, this is why we can’t keep either of the perfectly good mattresses we already own.”_

_“This is ridiculous. We have to be able to find some kind of compromise.”_

_“Look, we’re going to be stuck with this mattress for a long time. Do you really want to choose one that’s not comfortable just so that we don’t have to go shopping again?” Lena tilted an unconvinced look at Stef._

_“Of course not,” Stef said, throwing her hands in the air, her frustration edging through. “But I also don’t want to pay movers to move a bed into the new place just to pay someone to remove it two weeks later when we could just have our new bed shipped there in the first place.”_

_“I hear you, Stef. But we can’t-”_

_“Are we doing okay, ladies?” In the midst of their disagreement, neither woman had noticed the saleswoman approach them again._

_Stef stood and crossed her arms over her chest. “We’re fine, thank you,” she said, this time dismissing the woman with an insolent smile._

_At the arrival of a newcomer, Brandon bounded over and squeezed between Stef and Lena, looking up at the saleswoman. “My mommies_ _are buying a new bed for their room in our new house. I wanted to get a new one, too, because I want a race car bed but they said no. They said it’s coz they need one they both like since they have to share but I still think I should get a race car bed.”_

_Stef bristled. Her jaw clenched and her eyes locked on the woman’s face, staring her down, daring her to react. The woman looked between Stef and Lena before putting her hands on her knees and bending down to talk to Brandon. “And are they having a hard time finding one they both like?”_

_“Ye-es,” Brandon whined, grasping at the chance to commiserate. “And I dunno why because none of them are even cool. They’re all boring. And they’re not even going to jump on it.”_

_The saleswoman tsked in sympathy before straightening and giving her attention back to the two women. “Firmness issues?”_

_“Yes,” Lena jumped in before Stef could lie again._

_“That’s not uncommon. Which ones are each of your ideal firmness?”_

_Stef jerked her thumb in the direction of the one she had just been sitting on._

_“Mine is over here.” Lena led them toward one they had tried about ten beds ago._

_“Okay, I can see certainly see the problem. Your firmness preferences are about as far apart as you can get,” the woman confirmed when they arrived in front of Lena’s top pick._

_“Yeah, that’s a big surprise,” Stef muttered, earning herself an elbow to the ribs from Lena._

_“We’ve got that opposites attract thing working for us,” Lena clarified, smiling in apology._

_“Luckily for you, you’re not the only ones. We’ve got a few solutions for just this kind of thing.” The saleswoman nodded, smiling, before she turned to Brandon once more. “Don’t worry, kiddo. We’re gonna find your moms a mattress in no time.” She winked to seal her promise and beckoned them to follow her to another corner of the store._

_“Here we have all of our mattresses that really sit right in the middle in firmness,” she said, motioning toward a group of about ten beds. “Of course, these all vary to some degree but they tend to be the compromise makers.”_

_Stef mulled around, pressing her hand onto a couple of them, offering a mollified grunt._

_“Why don’t you take a look, try them out, and I’ll come back and see how you’re doing in a few minutes?”_

_“Thank you so much,” Lena said, her sweet tone and smile overcompensating for Stef’s surliness. She appreciated that the woman seemed to have picked up on her girlfriend’s apprehension and was doing her best at helping without hovering._

_“Mommy, try this one!” Brandon shouted as he threw himself up onto a light blue mattress._

_“Indoor voice, please,” Lena reminded him. Stef plopped down into the middle of the bed and wrapped her arm around Brandon, pulling him down beside her as she laid back._

_“Hey!” He giggled in surprise and wriggled out of her grasp._

_“Well?” Lena asked, a smile playing on her lips at the sight of them._

_“Not bad.” Stef stood and swung Brandon up onto her shoulders to try and contain his energetic body that was growing more distracted by the second while Lena took her spot on the bed._

_“It’s not, actually,” Lena agreed, giving it a little bounce before laying back and closing her eyes. “I think I could live with something like this.”_

_“Okay, well, why don’t you try out a couple more and tell me your favorites. I seem to have a monkey on my back at the moment.” She pretended to eat Brandon’s leg, making him squeal. “See?”_

_“I do. But he’s a very cute monkey.” Lena kissed Brandon’s hand as she walked by. When she paused in front of them, Stef was so tempted to kiss her but despite everything, how far she’d come and how much she loved Lena, public displays still made her uncomfortable. She was working on it but she let the moment pass. She watched Lena try out a few mattresses and listened to her thoughts on them as she kept Brandon occupied._

_“Oh, not that one,” she said, waving Lena on from the one she was poised to sit on._

_“Why not?”_

_“I hate memory foam.”_

_“O-kay. No memory foam,” Lena said with a shake of her head but otherwise not arguing. They were making progress. It was better not to rock the boat. “Well, then I think I like this one, the one next to it, and the second one from the end the best.”_

_“C’mon, buddy. It’s Mommy’s turn.” Swinging him off of her shoulders, Stef pretended to body slam Brandon onto one of the beds, halting the motion just before he collided with the mattress and instead setting him down in the center where she laid beside him while he giggled. “Do you like this one, B?”_

_Brandon shook his head. “It’s pink.” His lips curled around the word._

_“There’s nothing wrong with that,” Stef reminded him, watching for Lena’s nod of approval._

_“Well, I don’t like it.”_

_Stef rolled her eyes and pushed herself up. She flopped onto the next one, gave a couple small bounces and stood back up. “Eh. I like the other one better.”_

_“But there’s one more!” Brandon reminded her, darting down the line to the last contender, concerned now that the pink one was in the lead._

_“You’d think he was picking out his own bed,” Stef chuckled as she passed by Lena. She took the opportunity to run her hand down her lover’s arm, enchanted by the moment enough to ignore her own worries. Pulling Lena by the hand, she led her to the little boy who stood vibrating with anticipation in front of Lena’s other pick. It was green._

_“C’mon, Mommy! Try it!”_

_Stef sat on the edge and bounced a couple of times, shifting her hips back and forth to really get a good feel._

_“Lay down!” Brandon crawled up onto the bed behind Stef and pulled her shoulders back._

_“Brandon, settle,” she warned, hoping that she didn’t look as enchanted as Lena did at the moment. Lying back, Stef used the same side to side motion to settle her shoulders into the mattress. For effect, she hmmed and hawed until her son couldn’t wait anymore._

_“Do you like it?” he demanded, slapping his hands down onto the mattress, making her head bobble._

_“I do.”_

_“Yes!” Brandon hollered, clapping his hands together in excitement._

_Laughing, Stef stood up. “Do you want to give it one more try, love? To make sure you like it more than the other one? I’ll be okay with either of them.”_

_“You’re sure? You’re not settling just so we get one today?”_

_“No, I really do like them.” She offered a reassuring smile and squeezed Lena’s hand._

_After returning the affectionate touch, Lena took her second turn on the mattress, laying on her usual side of the bed with her legs crossed at the ankles. “I do like this one.” Her eyes were closed and she let out a little hum of satisfaction._

_Excited about this news, Brandon’s face lit up with a smile and he clambered over to Lena and pushed his way into the crook of her arm. The loving smile that stretched across Lena’s face mirrored the one on Stef’s as she watched Lena pull him in tight against her side and kiss his forehead. She would never stop being thankful that they loved each other so much._

_“What do you think, baby?” Lena asked him._

_“I like it!” Brandon declared._

_Stef chuckled. “Well that settles it, doesn’t it?” She wasn’t the slightest bit surprised that somehow Brandon had ended up choosing their mattress for them. At least it wasn’t a race car bed._

_“C’mon, Mommy,” Brandon reached his hand out toward Stef in invitation._

_Stef cleared her throat, shifting her weight as she shoved her hands in her pockets. “I’ve already tried it, sweets.”_

_“But we gotta make sure we all fit,” Brandon insisted, looking more than a little concerned at the possibility that they would not._

_Stef shifted her weight again, glancing over her shoulder to Carly who was watching from afar. Turning back to her family, Stef looked to Lena, hoping for another save but Lena just arched her eyebrows in that patient way that said, “This is up to you.” But the hint of amusement in her eyes had Stef feeling a little foolish at her own discomfort._

_“Alright, alright,” she said, more to her own inner voice than to either of the two people looking at her. She walked around to her side and slid on next to Brandon, letting herself sink into the bed. It really was a comfortable mattress. The three of them laid together for a few moments, Brandon having shifted so he was sandwiched evenly between the other two._

_“It looks like maybe we have a compromise?” Carly’s voice reached them before she strode into view. “What do we think?”_

_Stef turned to look at Lena and Brandon, the two people she loved most, cuddled up together. As Lena caught her eye, a feeling of warm contentment washed over her, drawing out a radiant smile. “It’s a perfect fit,” she said, forgetting all about the mattress._

* * *

 

“My god, I could have killed Brandon that day. Or at least put a muzzle on him,” Stef chuckled without a hint of malice in her voice.

Lena smiled at her wife, captivated by her hazel eyes. A familiar warmth wrapped around her. “I know. But he got us a mattress, didn’t he?”

Stef snorted a laugh. “He certainly did.”

“Although, in retrospect, maybe it would have been better if we had waited.”

“Why?”

“It would have been nice to go at least twenty four hours without vomit in our new bed.” Lena sighed, the exhaustion lingering in her muscles so many years later.

“He threw up in our bed the very first night we had it, didn’t he?”

“Yep.” Lena grimaced. “Sure did.”

“I forgot about that. Oh, he was so sick; my poor baby.”

“That was not the way I had planned on breaking in that bed.”

Stef laughed at the way Lena rolled her eyes. “I know, love.” She kissed Lena with a smile, enamored that her wife was still so annoyed about it. “But we made up for it.” Stef kissed her again, a little deeper this time.

“Mmm, that’s true.” A lilt made its way into Lena’s voice, coming both from the present kiss and the memory. “But not for almost two weeks,” Lena reminded her.

“Was it really that long?”

“Mhmm. You got sick right after Brandon and then I did, too. By the time we were all over it, I was practically crawling out of my skin.”

“I remember. In fact, if my memory serves, you dragged me in here after a shower, still dripping wet, and had your way with me. A few times.” 

“And _I_ _don’t_ remember you complaining.” Lena bit down on her lower lip as the night flashed through her mind.

“Complaining?” Drawing her brows together, she pretended to think. “No. I don’t remember complaining. Begging however…” Her voice growled and a wicked grin curled the corners of her mouth. With her hand nestled in the small of her wife’s back, Stef pulled Lena against her and rolled her onto her back, making Lena gasp. She was careful not to rest her full weight atop her pregnant wife as she pressed a kiss to Lena’s mouth, lingering on her full lower lip before pulling back to gaze down into her eyes **.**

“We both did our share of begging that night,” Lena breathed. Her heart was beating in her throat. 

“That we did, my love.” Stef kissed Lena’s parted lips again. A smile crept up to her eyes until they crinkled at the corners. Lena’s eyes, shining black in the dim light, gazed up at Stef in a dreamy haze. They held each other captive, their heartbeats quickening in tandem. A low pulse surrounded them, neither one breathing. Time seemed to halt in the space between them.

“I’m sorry, honey.” Lena broke through the atmosphere, her mouth pursed in an apologetic half-smile. “I’m too tired.”

Stef blew out an exhale and flopped back down on her pillow. “It’s fine, love. The first trimester is the most exhausting.” She gave Lena a quick peck. “I mean, you feel like you swallowed a house in the third so it’s a rough one, too. But the first one… That’s the silent killer. You’ll feel great once you get to the second.”

Lena gave a weary chuckle. “God, I hope so.”

“I promise.”

“I had no idea it was possible to be this exhausted. Even my bones feel tired. I didn’t know your bones could _be_ tired.”

Stef nodded in agreement. “I remember.”

Another silence fell between them. Stef watched as Lena’s eyes drifted closed. For the second time that night, she was overwhelmed with her wife’s beauty. The way the dim light glowed against the peak of her cheek, how her mouth relaxed into a gentle pout, the softness that always came with sleep; nothing had ever been more breathtaking. 

Stef watched until her own eyes grew heavy and her breathing began to slow. She was just on the edge of sleep when Lena spoke, her voice sleepy, eyes still closed. “You wanna know one of my favorite memories from our old bed?”

“Hmm?”

“The first time the twins slept in it with us.” She wore a dreamy smile and Stef’s grew to match.

“That was after that haunted house, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah.”

“God, those two. They damn near broke my heart that night.”

“Mine, too.” Lena sighed, the memory still vivid.

* * *

 

_Lena hesitated by the side of the bed, the corner of the comforter thrown back. “Do you think we should check on them again?”_

_Stef finished pulling her pajama shirt over her head, offering Lena a reassuring smile from across the bed. “They’re fine, love.”_

_As her partner got into bed, Lena looked back over her shoulder at the door. A quiet chuckle turned her attention back toward Stef, who was watching her with amusement. “If it’ll help you feel better, go tell them goodnight again.”_

_Lena shook her head as if to shake off her worry and climbed into bed. “You’re right. They’re fine. I’m being ridiculous.”_

_“You are not being ridiculous.” Stef sounded as if the very idea was unimaginable. “I know you want to protect them but we’ve done everything we can do. They both said they weren’t scared and even if we know better, we have to let them come to us when they’re ready. We can’t force it. As much as we want to.”_

_When Lena looked down at her lap dejected, Stef pulled her down onto her chest._

_“I knew that haunted house was a bad idea,” Lena muttered. A laugh rumbled in her partner’s chest._

_“Yeah, well. It can’t be undone now.”_

_Lena rolled her eyes but bit back a snide comment about how it shouldn’t have been done in the first place. She was still annoyed that Stef had agreed to it but there was nothing she could do about it now. She didn’t want to fight. She just wanted to spend the night exactly where she was — wrapped in the arms of her love._

_After a few quiet moments, Stef leaned over to turn off the lamp and then settled down into the pillows, her chin resting atop Lena’s head. Lena didn’t budge from her spot, instead nestling further into the crook of her lover’s arm. “Goodnight, love,” Stef said into the dark._

_“‘Night.”_

_Stef pressed a kiss into Lena’s curls. “The kids will be fine.”_

_“I know.” And she did. But that didn’t stop her from lying awake worrying about them. Her mind was loud amidst the silence in the room. She wished she had put her foot down about the haunted house and she wished she could comfort the twins more. They had only been living with them for a few months and were still working on building trust. The twins didn’t know how to rely on anyone but each other. Even Mariana, who was often enthusiastic about showing affection, struggled to be truly vulnerable with them. It broke Lena’s heart that they were so young and already so guarded. She was desperate to break through those walls but the only way to do that was to take them down one brick at a time._

_Finally, with the image of Mariana’s frightened eyes peeking out from the edge of her comforter still sharp in her mind, Lena drifted into a restless sleep._

_Lena watched as Bill, their social worker whose eyes were glowing red, dragged Jesús and Mariana further into the inky depths of the haunted house. They were both sobbing and fighting against him. Stef was yelling while Lena tried to chase them but with each step her feet sunk deeper into the floorboards. Strobe lights flashed around them, making the scene play out in slow motion. A bone chilling cackle echoed in the corners of the room and the dark swallowed the twins. As Lena fell to her knees with a scream lodged in her throat, she jerked awake, lying in the dark while her heart pounded against her chest._

_She blinked her sleep-heavy eyes to get them to focus in the dark. The alarm clock glowed green; it was just after one in the morning. She dropped back onto her pillow with an exhausted sigh. Sleeping after that dream would be impossible but it was far too early to get up. She tried turning onto her side but Stef’s short breaths were like a stuttering fan on her face so she flipped over. At least this side was less windy. Every time she closed her eyes, they popped back open again. Her limbs buzzed and the images of the twins’ distraught faces flashed in the dark around her. Maybe if she just checked on them, she would calm down enough to go back to sleep._

_With a look over her shoulder to check that Stef was sleeping, Lena pulled back the blanket. She held her breath as she sat up, imploring the mattress not to squeak. She knew she’d never hear the end of it if Stef caught her sneaking out of bed to check on them. When she was sitting up and Stef still slept undisturbed, Lena exhaled. To get her feet to the floor, she pivoted half way and gingerly lowered one foot to the ground. The next followed but instead of the wood floor, it landed on something warm and soft. Lena yelped and snatched her foot back, kicking whatever was down there in the process. When a scream pierced the silence, Lena shrieked and pulled both legs back up onto the bed._

_Startled awake, Stef gave a shout, followed by a thud and a muffled groan._

_“C’mon, Mariana! Let’s go!” The urgent whispers were followed by the sound of scrambling feet. Lena flipped on the lamp on her nightstand and the two children, flooded in dim light, froze mid-run by the bedroom door. Beneath Lena’s feet, there was a makeshift nest of blankets abandoned on the floor._

_“What’s going on?” Stef demanded, emerging from behind the bed and disentangling herself from the bed sheet that had caused her fall._

_The twins turned to face their foster moms. Jesús’ head hung low, his knees locked and his arms pressed against his side so his body was rigid and compact. Mariana, tightlipped and sniffling, rubbed the fingers of her right hand._

_“Sorry,” Jesús mumbled. “We… we didn’t mean to wake you up.” His voice was as stiff as his little body._

_“It’s okay, sweetheart,” Stef said. The mattress shifted beneath her weight as she crawled across the bed, coming to rest beside her partner._

_“Mariana?” Lena tilted her head to try and catch Mariana’s eye. “Did I step on your hand?” The little girl nodded, refusing to meet her gaze._

_“Oh honey, I’m so sorry. C’mere, c’mere.” Lena beckoned her over. Mariana hesitated before crossing to her with timid steps. Her brother stayed right by her side._

_Lena held out her hand. “Can I see?” Mariana placed her hand on top of her foster mom’s who turned it to examine both sides, rubbing the little fingers between her own. “It looks like it’ll be okay,” she said with a gentle smile. “Would you like me to kiss it better, just to make sure?”_

_Mariana’s wide eyes turned up toward Lena and she gave a tiny nod._

_Lena kissed the backs of her fingers. “Better?”_

_Mariana nodded again, a smile peeking out from behind her worried expression._

_“Do you guys want to tell us what’s going on?” Stef tipped an encouraging look between the children._

_“Nothing!” Jesús said. “We were just… um… checking… under your bed. For monsters!” Jesús gave a strong nod, satisfied with his story._

_“Is that so?” With the corners of her eyes crinkling and laughter bubbling in her voice, Stef was doing much worse than Lena at hiding her amusement._

_Jesús gave an eager nod. “Yeah. We didn’t want you guys to get scared.”_

_Unable to contain herself any longer, Stef turned her growing smile into her shoulder, silently begging Lena for some help._

_“Well,” Lena said, drawing the children’s attention to her while just barely maintaining her most stoic facade, “I have to thank you, then, because I was really scared.”_

_“You were?” Mariana’s eyes glittered up at Lena in the lamplight. Her hand gripped a little tighter._

_“Yep,” Lena nodded. “I kept thinking about the haunted house and how scary it was.” She rubbed her thumb across the back of the girl’s hand while she spoke. “Even though I knew it wasn’t real.”_

_Mariana gave another little nod. “Me, too.”_

_Lena ran her free hand along her foster daughter’s shoulder and when she leaned into the reassuring touch, Lena drew her in and Mariana clambered up into Lena’s lap. “You know, you can always tell us when you’re scared. Or when you’re hurt, or mad, or sad. It is always okay for you to feel whatever emotions you have. And if you tell us about those feelings, we can help.”_

_“That goes for you, too, young man,” Stef added. Having recovered, Stef held her hand out toward Jesús. He eyed it with caution before taking it and allowing her to bring him closer. “And it’s never your job — either of you — to protect us. Adults take care of children, not the other way around, yes?”_

_Mariana bobbed her head but her brother was reluctant to agree. “But… sometimes, when we lived with our mom… we took care of her.” When he looked up at Stef, his face was fraught with confusion._

_“Yes, that— That’s true. But that’s not how it’s supposed to— uh… I mean—” Stumbling to find the right words, Stef cleared her throat to buy time to regroup but Lena broke in to save her._

_“What Stef is trying to say,” both pairs of questioning brown eyes turned their attention to Lena, “is that even though adults are supposed to take care of children, sometimes kids do have to take care of their parents or other family members. And you guys were so strong and brave to help your mom when she needed it. But as long as you’re here, the only thing you have to worry about is being kids. You play, and you learn, and you do your best at school and at being good people. But you don’t have to worry about the rest. Stef and I, we take care of all of that, okay?”_

_“O-kay.” Jesús’ head bobbled in agreement, satisfied with Lena’s explanation for now._

_“Good!” Stef declared, giving the boy’s back a little clap while she sent Lena a grateful look over his head. “So. Would you like to tell us what you were really doing in here?” Stef offered Jesús an encouraging smile but it was his sister who spoke up._

_“I was scared in my room. It was dark and I kept hearing noises. So I went to Jesús’ room but he was scared, too.”_

_“Was not!”_

_“Were too!”_

_“Hey, hey,” Stef broke in gently. “That’s enough. It doesn’t matter if Jesús was scared or not. We don’t need to fight about it.” Stef gave her foster son, who was glaring at his sister, a little side hug._

_“But he was scared!” Mariana insisted and slammed her fists down on her thighs. “I wanted to come in here but he didn’t want to get in trouble!”_

_“Shh, it’s okay,” Lena whispered, soothing the young girl with gentle circles on her back. The tension relaxed out of Mariana’s spine, though her hands remained balled in her lap as Lena turned her attention toward Jesús. “Why would you be in trouble?”_

_“For being out of bed,” he said with a shrug, the edges of his ears turning red._

_“And for waking you up,” Mariana added._

_“So that’s why you were sleeping on the floor? Because you didn’t want to wake us up?”_

_Mariana nodded. “Grown ups don’t like it when we wake them up.”_

_“Now, when you first got here we told you it’s always okay for you to ask us for help, didn’t we?” Stef asked, looking between the twins while they nodded. “Okay, then. That includes at night. You won’t get in trouble for waking us up when you need us. Never, ever, ever.” Mariana’s eyes darted between her foster mom and her brother, who was fidgeting with the seams of his pajama pants, chin tucked in tight against his chest. Stef, noting her obvious concern, winked at the little girl who giggled and buried her head against Lena’s shoulder. “Got it, Mister?” she asked playfully as she ran her fingers across Jesús’ belly. But instead of the usual laughter such tickles would elicit, Jesús pulled away, silent. Stef looked over to Lena whose face reflected her own worry back._

_“Jesús?” Lena encouraged while Mariana peeked at her brother from over her shoulder._

_After another moment of silence, the little boy mumbled, “We did in our last foster home. That’s why they sent us away.”_

_Lena’s heart grew heavy as she studied her foster son. It was unusual for him to clam up. He was vibrant and a ball of constant energy which made it easier to forget how much he had been through in his short life. Now he looked so small beneath the weight of his reality. The official note in their file for removal from their last home was “refusal to follow house rules and deliberate, continued disobedience.” Before placement, Bill had assured them that it was just that the twins kept sleeping in each other’s rooms, which the foster parents forbade. However, when their first few weeks in the Foster-Adams household had included multiple nightmares for Mariana and two bedwetting incidents for Jesús, the women knew what the real reason had been. Apparently, so did the twins._

_“Oh, honey.” Holding Mariana securely on her lap, Lena offered her hand to Jesús. With his eyes still trained on the ground, he placed his hand in her palm. It looked so small as her long fingers closed around it. “I know that you guys have been to a lot of different homes with a lot of different rules and it’s hard to know what’s expected of you when things keep changing all the time. But from now on, you don’t have to wonder because Stef and I are going to do everything we can to make sure that, until you can live with your mom again, this is your very last foster home. We’re not going to send you away. I promise. So no matter what’s wrong, I want you to come to us. Whether you need help, or because you’re scared. For any reason at all. We love you and nothing you do can ever change that.” Lena squeezed his hand and waited._

_After a long silence, Jesús raised his head so his brown eyes met Lena’s. “Promise?”_

_“I promise.”_

_With a tender, lopsided smile he said, “I love you, too.”_

_Though his sister had been free with the sentiment almost immediately, this was the first time Jesús had said that to either of them and Lena thought her ribcage might burst from the swelling of her heart at those words. Beaming at him, she blinked back the tears that welled in her eyes but was saved when Mariana broke in, gleeful in the validation given by her brother’s sentiment._

_“And I love you, too!” she squealed, flinging her arms around Lena’s neck. Laughing, Lena hugged her tight, her eyes still on Jesús over the girl’s shoulder. “And Stef! I love Stef, too!”_

_Jesús turned toward Stef, who wore a goofy, unimposing grin. It worked on the kids but Lena could see her lover’s anticipation. Her spine was too straight, her eyes too bright, the corners of her mouth too tight. She would never let him see her disappointment but they had waited so long for him to open up and if he didn’t include her, Lena knew Stef would be crushed._

_“Me, too,” he said before crashing into her chest, his arms wrapping around her ribs in a bear hug._

_“And I love you, my precious boy!” She scooped him up onto her lap, pure joy spreading across both of their faces._

_“And me! And me!” Mariana reached a hand out to Stef._

_“Yes, my sweet girl. I love you, too.” Stef took her hand, guiding her off of Lena’s lap and onto the bed beside her. Wrapping her arm around her shoulders, Stef pulled the girl in close against her side, kissing the top of her head._

_“And Lena!” Mariana shouted, wrapped up in the excitement._

_“Always Lena,” Stef said with such tenderness it made Lena’s heart ache. She held her hand out to Lena, who allowed her partner to draw her closer. Stef raised Lena’s hand to her lips and sealed the promise with a kiss._

_With Jesús still on Stef’s lap and Mariana tucked in between Stef and Lena, the four snuggled together. The twins’ clasped hands dangled between them. Stef and Lena’s intertwined on the bed behind Mariana. Their declarations of love surrounded them like the calmness of falling snow and it wasn’t long until the little girl began to wilt, her head sagging down onto Lena’s stomach. The distinct sound of heavy, even breaths came from the boy-shaped mass that pressed ever-heavier into Stef’s torso. Lena was so used to seeing her partner with a boy curled on her lap and yet, seeing Jesús there, it felt surreal. Like a glimpse into a different life. A future life… A life Lena hadn’t let herself imagine yet._

_Overwhelmed, Lena gave Stef’s hand a squeeze before letting go and gently rousing Mariana. “I think we better get this princess to bed before she turns into a pumpkin.”_

_Mariana sat up and rubbed her eyes. “The carriage turns into the pumpkin, not Cinderella.”_

_“Oh yes, you’re right,” Lena agreed with a nod._

_“Well, Cinderella or not, I am going to turn into a pumpkin if I don’t get some sleep,” Stef broke in. “So, let’s all get back to bed, shall we?”_

_“Can we sleep with you?” Jesús looked up at her, his big brown eyes filled with that persistent uncertainty._

_“Of course you can, sweets.”_

_When a smile broke across the boy’s face, Stef planted a loud kiss on his forehead. Then she scooped him up and deposited him in the center of the bed. While Mariana clambered over to join him, Lena grabbed some extra throw pillows to fill in the gap between their bed pillows. Once the kids were tucked in and comfy with plenty of goodnight kisses, the two women settled in around them._

_Mariana, so warm curled in front of her, held Lena’s arm like a teddy bear and, unlike earlier that night, sleep tugged at Lena as soon as her head came to rest on the pillow. She was just beginning to dream when Jesús’ voice brought her back to consciousness._

_“I know we won’t be here forever but is it okay if we call you Mom and Mama like Brandon does?” he asked._

_Lena was glad for the dark to hide the tears she couldn’t hold back this time. “We would love that,” she managed around the tightness in her throat._

_“Okay. Goodnight, Mama. Goodnight, Mom.”_

_“Goodnight, baby,” her partner said after clearing her own throat._

_“Goodnight,” Lena whispered, wondering for the first time if maybe… just maybe it could actually be forever._

* * *

 

“That was the night I knew for sure I wanted to adopt them,” Lena said, eyes still closed.

Stef sat up on her elbow to look down at Lena, her eyebrows knitting in confusion. “You did?”

“Mhmm.”

“But you didn’t agree for another, what? Another four months?”

A little smile pulled at one side of Lena’s mouth. “One of us had to have some self-control,” she quipped.

“And I didn’t?”

The hurt in Stef’s voice pulled Lena from her near-sleep and her eyes drifted up to her wife. 

“Honey, that’s not what I meant.”

Stef gave an unconvinced snort and turned onto her back, crossing her arms over her chest. 

Lena sat up to face her. “All I meant was that we had no idea what was going to happen. The twins hadn’t been here that long and Ana was still fighting for custody. She was in rehab and if it had worked, we knew the state would give her custody over us. One of us needed to stay in touch with that reality, just in case.”

“Oh, so I was too naive to know what could happen if we pursued adoption? I wasn’t stupid then, Lena, and I’m not stupid now.”

Lena sighed. This insecurity of Stef’s, that somehow Lena believed her to be just a dumb blue-collar jock, was strictly of Stef’s own creation. And despite Lena’s numerous attempts to assure her otherwise, it continued to surface throughout their years together. Usually she found it frustrating. Yet this time, watching Stef pout, Lena felt a patient smile spread across her lips. Maybe it was the culmination of their emotional evening. Maybe she was too tired to fight again. Maybe it was pregnancy hormones. Either way, this time all she felt was love.

“Of course you’re not. But honey, you were head-over-heels in love with those kids from the day you met them at the station.” Stef’s gaze remained stubbornly trained on the ceiling, but when Lena took her hand, she didn’t pull away. “That’s how you are. You are all-in, wear your heart on your sleeve, jump-now-think-later. And I love that more than I love anything else about you. But I’m… not like that. I’m cautious, sometimes to a fault. I overthink and I have to be absolutely sure about a decision before I make it. You know that. With a decision as big as adoption… I had to know without any doubt that it was the right one. Not only for us but for the twins.” Lena watched Stef until her wife’s hazel eyes met hers. There was a ghost of a smile at the corners of her mouth.

After a moment she asked, “What finally convinced you?”

“Before then, every time Ana relapsed or didn’t show to one of their visitations, the twins would spend days being heartbroken. Clearly, they still hoped they would go back to her. Then she missed a few visitations in a row and each time they were less upset. When they started to seem relieved, I figured that was the turning point. _I_ was sure that _they_ were ready.”

Stef’s smile inched larger as she rolled her eyes. “God, you really are a saint.” She tugged Lena down and kissed her with tender lips. “But it would have been nice to know you were at least thinking about it.” She let out a sigh that she had been holding for the better part of a decade. “I was starting to feel crazy, like you could see something I couldn’t.”

“I know. I’m sorry.” The air between them was light again as Lena laid back down facing Stef and offered an apologetic smile. “You just loved them so much already. And I did, too, which is why I couldn’t say anything. As soon as I said it out loud, there would have been no going back and I didn’t think either of us could handle it if the adoption had fallen through.”

“You’re right. _As always_ ,” Stef said with a playful smirk. 

“I am not _always_ right.”

“I’m never admitting that again so just shut up and enjoy it while you can.”

“Alright, alright.” Lena put her hand up in surrender, laughter shining in her eyes. “I’m shutting up now.”

“Good.” Stef took Lena’s hand and brushed a kiss against the slender fingers laced with her own.

Lena watched her wife nuzzle their hands - eyes closed, a chunk of golden waves sprawling over the pillow beneath her cheek, the corner of her mouth tilted up in that pleasantly absent way that Lena had seen a million times. She wondered how she got so lucky to have someone so beautiful, so stubborn, so perfect love her this way. Stef loved with a ferocity Lena had never known and yet she was capable of impossible tenderness. Stefanie Adams Foster held such vulnerability beneath what others would believe to be impenetrable armor. But Lena had long ago been allowed close enough to see that, rather than strong metal, her armor was barely more than tattered rags, as fragile as candlelight on a stormy night. To show her gratitude for such trust, Lena did what she could to help mend them and keep her whole.

Lena gave her wife’s hand a gentle squeeze. “I’m sorry about the bed, Stef.” Her lower lip was pressed between her teeth, her voice soft with sincerity.

“It’s okay, love. I’ll get over it.” For just a moment, Stef met Lena’s gaze completely unguarded before throwing on a quirky smile to cover up and laughing away the weight in the air. “As soon as we get rid of this monstrosity.” 

Lena rolled her eyes. “I’ll call to have it removed first thing in the morning.”

“Don’t you think we ought to try selling it first?”

“Is that even legal?”

“Yeah, privately.”

Lena hummed in consideration. “That’ll take longer.”

“I know,” Stef shrugged. “But it’s practically brand new and these things aren’t cheap. We might as well see if we can get a little something for it before shelling out for a new bed.”

“I mean, if you’re okay waiting, I think it’s worth trying.”

“Alright, then.” Stef gave an affirming nod. With the decision made, quiet fell between them again. 

“What are you thinking?” Lena asked when she noticed a smile curve the line of her love’s mouth.

Stef remained silent for a moment. “Do you know what I’m most looking forward to in our new bed?”

“Sex?”

Stef snorted a laugh, caught off guard. “No, actually. But I’m glad to know it’s at the top of your list.” 

Lena bit back a sheepish grin when Stef wiggled her eyebrows. “What, then?”

“The first night in bed after bringing the baby home. Just the three of us.”

Lena’s face lit up, her smile growing radiant. “Softy,” she teased, delighted.

“Oh, shut up,” Stef muttered. She kissed her wife’s smiling mouth to distract from her own emotions, suddenly feeling overwhelmed with joy and love and anticipation for this newest addition to their lives.

“So, does this mean you’ve changed your mind about co-sleeping?” Lena asked, her excitement unmasked.

“Let’s just say I’m open to talking about it.”

“Really? Because I know you’re concerned about safety and maintaining our—” 

“But not tonight,” Stef interrupted before Lena could launch into the same speech that had nearly convinced her a dozen times already.

“Sorry,” Lena whispered, failing at hiding a triumphant smile.

Stef rolled her eyes. “You know what? Just turn over so I can spoon you in peace and pretend for just one more night that I’m not going to give into your every whim.” Lena ignored Stef’s attempt to roll her over, instead leaning in to kiss her again with a giddy grin. “It’s a good thing I love you,” Stef insisted.

With her hands on either side of Stef’s neck, Lena pulled back to meet her gaze while her fingertips played in the hair at the nape of her neck. “It’s the best thing,” she avowed, never having meant anything more than she did in that moment.

After a lingering moment, Stef broke the tender silence. “Alright, alright, enough mushy stuff,” she declared. “Thanks to my mom, we’ve got a marathon of gifts to get through tomorrow. So, c’mon. Move it, woman.” She urged Lena with a couple gentle pats on her hip until she relented with a bemused shake of her head and turned over. Lena turned off the lamp and nestled down into the bed while Stef scooted in behind her so they were back where they had started the night.

“Goodnight,” Stef murmured into Lena’s hair while she searched for her hand. Finding it, she laced their fingers together and stroked her thumb across her wife’s palm.

“Goodnight.” Draped in the comfort and safety of her wife’s arms, Lena let the remains of their tumultuous day melt away. “Merry Christmas.”

Stef smiled into the dark, happy to have the best gift she had ever received wrapped in her arms. “Merry Christmas, my love.”


End file.
